A Tribute to My Second Son (and to the community that surrounds him).

Yesterday we celebrated my son Noah's first birthday. I put together some pics and video from the first year of his life outside the womb. Although we couldn't fit pictures in of everyone who has played a part in his life thus far, Sarah and I are so grateful for the community that surrounds him, loves him, and models Christ-like faith to him even at a young age. Indeed, as it takes a village to raise a child, so it takes a Church to make a Christian. As you watch this, would you join us in prayer asking Jesus to impart a divine and supernatural light into his soul? That Noah would love Jesus more than life!?

Thankful to all of you!

Time and Regret

One of the elders of our church gave me an updated copy of "Spiritual Leadership" by Oswald Sanders. It's a classic on leadership, and although I read it many years ago, I had forgotten how good of a book it is. I've been reading random chapters here and there as part of my midday reflections (something I'm trying to do more of). Last week, I was reading the chapter on 'The Leader and Time'. This phrase stood out to me, "The habit of putting off is fatal to spiritual leadership." I don't know why that phrase impacted me, but I see God's hand in teaching me a lesson.

These past two weeks, I have had the honor of walking alongside a mother at our church who has been battling cancer for the last several years. She was taken home to be with the Lord last night. I feel ashamed to say this, but I had two chances to visit with her, but put it off. Just before Christmas, I was going to stop by, but my schedule got the best of me, and I postponed until after the New Year's. I got to visit with her a week and a half ago, and it was a sweet visit. I kicked myself for not having gotten over there sooner. I had every intention of stopping in last week to just be with her and play some music, but I put it off. I got caught up in conversations and meetings. I told myself I would visit her this week, and she went home last night. I feel such a sense of loss and failure. I didn't get to say my goodbyes. I wasn't able to sing with her her favorite song, "Blessed Be Your Name." I put it off.

Much like my previous resolution to not hold back what needs to be said, I am learning a new lesson - this time through regret and grief. Don't put visiting people off. Respond to the Lord as he dictates as soon as you can, not when your schedule allows. Sanders is right. Make that a habit and your spiritual leadership will be discredited, insincere, and shallow.

Colin Hansen on the Top 10 Most-Searched Bible Verses: What's Missing?

A very insightful commentary on how sometimes even our own searching for God comes on our terms.

Top 10 Most-Searched Bible Verses: What’s Missing?

Fadical? I hope not...

After recently reading "Radical," by David Platt and "Crazy Love," by Francis Chan a little bit ago, I'm coining a new phrase that I hope never finds expression in the church nor in the generation of Christians coming. I'm calling it "Fadicalism."

Although I very much appreciate the voice that God has given to brothers like Chan and Platt, calling the U.S. church to radical, American-dream-rejecting, surrendered, abandoned, and very biblical faith, I am concerned about how such messages will be received by a generation that is already looking for adventure and on the bandwagon that is social justice right now. Don't get me wrong - I love that the Church is coming back to center in putting feet to the gospel, but it is all too easy to jump onto the next movement be it  church growth, seeker-sensitivity, or whatever you want to name it. We've seen countless people take a biblical idea, put a slogan to it, have a conference about it, then sign up thousands of people to go after it. Church history has been full of these kinds of movements (albeit without the conferences), and God has indeed used these movements to advance the kingdom.

However, here's what I find lacking in the latest message for the Church - a call to suffering. Yes, we should live radically, forsaking the American dream, praying for the nations, stewarding our money and resources for the global mission God is advancing. Yes, we should forsake lukewarmness and compromise, and genuinely ask of God what he desires (and obey it!). The stories that are used are so motivating. They make me long for God to show up in real and powerful ways like the testimonies given, but what about the suffering? What about the cost involved? This kind of lifestyle is not a cakewalk, yet it is demanded of every Christ follower. I think of Bonhoeffer's line in "Cost of Discipleship" - "When Jesus bids a man come, he bids him come and die."

To forsake these things and pick up the cross of this kind of Radicalism while sexy in hindsight is to choose a life of suffering because Jesus is everything. He is the joy that is before us, the pearl of greatest price, the treasure in a field. He's the motivation for forsaking all the trinkets and Siren songs that are pitched our way. Sometimes I felt these books were trying to sell me on all the great sights I'll see along the way to the destination when it seems that the biblical motivation is the destination, namely Jesus himself (Phil 3:12-18). It's as if a cruise director invited you to come on a trip leaving behind your sinful, boring lifestyle at home for adventure on the high seas. "It'll be tough, for sure, but here are some examples of the cool things people before you saw on the way. Don't you want to experience that too? See, it is a trip worth taking." Rather, wouldn't the right call to action be simply to say, "It's going to be hard as hell. Storms will come. You will wonder what on earth you just did. You will have less than your peers. You will not get respect. People will think you're a fool. You may accomplish nothing that you can quantify in this life, but the destination? Oh, it's Jesus!!! He's so worth it!"

I don't for a second doubt the sincerity of Platt or Chan. I wish I had an ounce of their faith and obedience. I do, however, issue this word of caution to the generation of students hearing their message (and the individuals who will market to them). Please don't turn radical, Gospel-driven living, into a fad. Please don't market FADICALISM.

Oh and by the way, before you reject these books, do yourself a favor and read them. They are simple, clear, and convicting to say the least.

God help us from becoming Fadicals!

The Church's Next Stand

I had the opportunity to watch a video put out by a friend, Matt Soerens. Matt and Jenny Hwang work for World Relief and have written a book called, "Welcoming the Stranger". It's a great introduction to the immigration issue, and the church's possible role in it.

In the next week, I'll be posting a couple of thoughts and resources on the issue of immigration and more specifically, the church's role in all this. For now, check out the video.


A NEW DREAM from UnDocumented.tv on Vimeo.

The really SADD effects of porn

Ian Kerner, a sex counselor recently wrote a short blurb about how the ubiquity of porn is changing the sexual landscape. Here's what he wrote:
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How porn is changing our sex lives

Ian Kerner is a sexuality counselor and New York Times best-selling author.

Porn, schmorn.

I don’t care what anybody says, real sex with a real person is better than porn any day of the week.  We believe that porn is the equivalent of professional wrestling: phony and superficial. It’s like subsisting on a junk-food diet of Gummi bears and Gatorade when you could be having a gourmet meal.

But when you’re living la vida loca, there isn’t always time for a balanced meal, and for lots of guys, that’s where porn comes in. It’s easy, it’s lazy, it’s fun, and, oh yeah, it’s there. It’s always right there—even when we don’t want it to be.

By my estimate, men are masturbating 50 to 500% more than they would normally without Internet porn. So if a guy normally masturbated once a day, he might now be doing it two or three times a day. If he masturbated three times a week, he might now be getting graphic with his graphics 15 times a week.

If you’re 17 and single, this might not be a problem. But if you’re 40 and toting a gut, it’s an issue—a real issue. Some guys may still feel mentally like they’re 17 years old, but they can’t have sex that way. Their bodies have changed and so have their refractory periods, the natural interval between erections.

As a result, today’s woman faces more challenges to her sexual satisfaction than ever before. An increasing number of men are suffering from a syndrome I’ve dubbed Sexual Attention Deficit Disorder. Just as people with real ADD tend to be easily distracted, guys with SADD have become so accustomed to the high levels of visual novelty and stimulation that Internet porn provides that they’re unable to focus on real sex with a real woman. Men with SADD tend to find themselves getting bored or impatient during sex, and suffering from mechanical “male-functions”: They may bephysiologically aroused and even have an erection, but they’re not at peak mentalarousal. Guys with SADD may also simply lack the mojo for real sex because they’re depleted from masturbation. They’re not running on a full tank, physically, mentally, and certainly not sexually.

It’s a SADD state of affairs and this new world order of porn doesn’t show any signs of changing. My guess is that we’re just seeing the tip of the iceberg in terms of the myriad ways porn will alter the landscape of our love lives. Porn’s not just an issue, or a problem, or a quick release, it’s part of a major shift in our sexual mores. Just as the sexual revolution led to"The Joy of Sex," and "Sex and the City" led to the mainstreaming of the Rabbit vibrator, my prediction is that Internet porn will affecteverything in our sex lives.  That’s for better or for worse—and it doesn’t have to be for worse.

After all, masturbation is a healthy activity. When couples are in good relationships, they actually tend to masturbate more than when they’re not. Masturbation is not something people do just because we’re “not getting any”—it’s something we do because it’s human and healthy. In fact, when people stop masturbating, it’s generally a bad sign: It can mean they’re depressed or have a health problem. Given this, in a healthy relationship, there’s nothing wrong with porn, either. And when couples share porn together, it can make them even more excited about sex with each other and be a strong bonding experience.

Porn can also be a healthy way of exploring forbidden taboos. Fantasies are fantasies for a reason—because they’re not real. Porn provides a venue to explore things that you normally don’t get to explore. People should not be judged on the porn they enjoy, and there isn’t always a direct relationship between the stuff we look at and the stuff we actually want to try.

Of course, that’s little comfort to a woman who’s concerned about her male partner’s use of porn. She may have a lot questions about her guy’s porn use: Is he into something really kinky, does he want me to look different, should I be performing, etc. In truth, a guy often isn’t thinking any of these things—he’s just enjoying some porn and that’s about it. But if these silent questions build over time they can really damage a relationship.

Once couples start discussing porn, it’s a stimulus to their relationship—to sharing fantasies, talking about likes and dislikes, and more. Also, it doesn’t hurt to remember that there was a time before porn, or at least when porn was not so easily accessible to the average person. Sure, guys turned to magazines or videos. But they also relied on their imaginations and their erotic memories. To me, that is one of the biggest downsides of porn. So consider taking a break from porn and letting your imagination be your guide—you might be surprised where it takes you. 

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It's interesting to read a social commentary by someone who has no theological or moral anchor for his sexual ethics. I agree with some of the things that Kerner states, especially his coining of the term, Sexual Attention Deficit Disorder (SADD). Pornography is a drug that continues to push the mind for more and more. It dulls the senses in such a way that what may have aroused two months ago fails to stimulate any longer. Like a drug, porn addicts need a bigger and more powerful hit. His observations on the way porn floods our imaginations with sensory data is right on.

But Kerner fails to note the devastating effects porn has on not just the user (presumed to be male in his article), but the spouse. He makes a grave mistake into thinking that the guy is just enjoying porn and that's it. What porn does is to blur the line between fantasy and reality such that every sexual encounter is compared to the fantasy world of porn. It absolutely erodes the security that a woman should feel in sharing sex with her husband because in the back of her mind, she is asking, "Is he comparing me with someone or something else? Am I not good enough?" And truth be told, no real sex ever stands a chance to the fake, forced, and unrealistic sex that porn offers. Don't be deceived, it's not just porn, and no woman should just live with the fact. Having been in the place where I've confessed to watching porn to my wife, I can tell you the hurt in her eyes is not just her inability to get over it. It's a deep hurt, a startling betrayal, and a clear picture of the effects of sin and distorted sexuality.

Also, that Kerner actually condones the use of porn to heighten a relationship is tantamount to saying you might as well use cocaine together if you're having trouble finding ways to have fun. Taboos are forbidden for a reason, and the strongest reason is not just cultural. Sex was designed for a purpose, and anything outside of that is distortion. Though I am glad that he emphasizes that real sex is better than pornified sex, the lack of theological understanding in Kerner's conclusions makes him a naive 'expert' telling someone what a widget can be used for when the maker of that widget is standing right next to him. Who would you listen to?

I would recommend a few key resources that will anchor some of Kerner's observations in the biblical revelation of God's will.

• Mark Driscoll's e-book, "Porn Again Christian" 
• Tim Challies e-book, "Sexual Detox"

The problem of porn isn't going away anytime soon, and I have a feeling that as I continue to grow as a pastor, I will see more and more of its devastating effects on the lives of people God will entrust to me, both singles and married folks. My only hope is to continue to believe the Gospel and to fight for purity both in my own life and the lives of my church.

Asian parents?!

Eugene Cho has an insightful blogpost on Asian parents.

why asian parents are the best and worst « eugene cho

When freedom actually enslaves

I read a blog entry on CNN.com last night that summarized the findings of a study on sexuality amongst college students. I've reposted it below:

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Men have upper hand in sexual economy

It's not a new theory:  As women progress in educational and professional opportunities, their odds of finding a committed man appear to go down. Women in their 40s and 50s have long heard this, but new research finds it's true for women just entering adulthood as well.

That's one of the findings in the new book "Premarital Sex in America: How Young Americans Meet, Mate and Think About Marrying," by researchers Mark Regnerus and Jeremy Uecker at the University of Texas at Austin.

They looked at the results from a number of national studies including the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health and the National Study of Youth and Religion, in addition to interviews with young people ages 18 to 23.

Researchers found that since women in the 18- to 23-year-old group feel they don't need men for financial dependence, many of them feel they can play around with multiple partners without consequence, and that the early 20s isn't the time to have a serious relationship. But eventually, they do come to want a real, lasting relationship. The problem is that there will still be women who will have sex readily without commitment, and since men know this, fewer of them are willing to go steady.

"Women have plenty of freedom, but freedom does not translate easily into getting what you want," Regnerus said.

The wide availability of pornography has also influenced the dynamics of relations between men and women, Regnerus said. A segment of 20-something men are content to have their sexual experiences by themselves, removing them from the pool of available partners. That means high-quality men - likely those who want monogamous, committed relationships - are still eligible for dating, but the overall dating pool has shrunk, meaning some women will be left unsatisfactorily single.

Researchers also found that marrying at or before age 20 constitutes the greatest risk for subsequent divorce, the data show. Early marriage doesn’t cause the divorce, but the partners are likely to be unprepared for the kinds of adjustments required, Regnerus said.

And here's perhaps some good news: Sexual behavior among this age group is less salacious than you might think. The "hookup culture" is most prominent when there is a Greek system present; otherwise, college students seem more inclined toward stable relations and have fewer sexual partners.

In case you were wondering, 16% of 18- to 23-year-olds are virgins, according to the surveys used in the book. In that age group there are more men than women who have never had sex. By age 27, the portion of virgins goes down to 8%.

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What a sad state of affairs that our sexual 'revolution' has led us into. God's desires for marriage and sexuality within the context of commitment and fidelity have largely been cast aside in our culture as too 'old fashioned' or restrictive, and this study raises a lot of questions as to where our sexually 'free' culture has led us. A couple of thoughts:

• At the heart of it, every person still longs to be loved and to love - no matter how sexually open our culture gets. Human nature still longs for the security of commitment.
• The feminist agenda to liberate women and to make them less dependent on men for financial and social needs actually creates quite the quandry. I'm not saying that therefore a patriarchal or male-chauvinistic society is the answer, but as the article portrays, such feminist aggression makes for increased competition among women leaving them with all the power, but few of their needs met. Women long for the commitment and security that comes from being valued and loved, but as long as the idea of sexual liberation for women is propagated, there will be less and less men who have the character and steadfastness to provide such commitment. The statement in the blogpost, "freedom does not translate easily into getting what you want," sums it up.
• A concept misconception is that freedom is the ultimate value. As long as no one can tell me what to do, and I can determine my own steps, then I will be able to achieve all that I want. Unfortunately, there is no true freedom without boundaries. I am truly free when I know that my actions and my ethics are designated as good and just because then I know that I'm not ignorantly making shipwreck of my life and my relationships in the long-run. For example, by having what I think is sexual freedom now, the study I am actually decreasing my chances for a committed relationship in the long-run. Who would have thought that such freedom now would enslave me to loneliness and perpetual singlehood later?
• I think this says a lot not just about the state of women in their young adult years, but men as well. First, the pervasive influence of pornography in breaking down real relationships can't be understated. I fear for my two boys growing up in this society as I see sexuality flaunted and distorted in increasingly heinous ways. Second, I see the lack of true manhood exemplified in the dearth of men willing to hold onto their integrity to commit to an excellent woman. So many young men are busy chasing their myths in the form of video games and prolonged adolescence. Where are the mighty men of valor who will cause a young lady to pause to consider, "what kind of CHARACTER would land that sort of man?"

Please understand me in this, I'm not woman-hating here. I'm simply reaffirming what the Scripture says in Psalm 16:5-8

"The LORD is my chosen portion and my cup;

you hold my lot. The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;

indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance. I bless the LORD who gives me counsel;

in the night also my heart instructs me. I have set the LORD always before me;

because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken."

The Masks We Wear

CNN reported on a new show in Afghanistan called, "The Mask". The basic idea behind the show is to give Afghan women a safe medium by which to talk about the unseen and unspoken abuses that they have suffered through. I found the idea behind the show intriguing except for one glaring absence. If, as Miroslav Volf puts it, the road to forgiveness and healing lies in two steps - naming the evil and then pronouncing release from the wrongdoing (in essence absorbing the cost of the hurt or wrongdoing), how does this really help people? By simply naming the wrong, can healing and restoration really happen? Couldn't such painful hurt, once relived, actually cause more harm?

I think we see the true power and benefits of the cross here. The cross gives us confidence to name the evil because someone has absorbed the cost. We can call wrongdoing what it is, but we can truly forgive the wrongdoer because Jesus absorbed the cost in a way that no man has ever before. This is the beauty of forgveness, the Christian way.

Yet, so many of us hide behind masks don't we? We'd rather not face the shame or the hurt of the wrongs we have done or the wrongs that have been done to us. The masks may be safe. They may even be helpful in the short-term, but in order to find true healing, we need to come out from behind the masks. This is a scary proposition, I'm sure, and the only way we will find the boldness to do so is to know that our actions (and even the ones done to us) don't define us. They don't establish our identity. Rather, we have a savior who went to the cross to bear the cost of such actions. The Bible says that when we are made new, we identify with him. We are united with him. We can take off the masks because we are loved as we truly are.